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I am not that brave

As I sit here in my husband’s hospital room while he doses from the medication he’s receiving before his Stem Cell Transplant tomorrow, I think back to all of the messages I’ve received from this community and friends and family. Thank you.


Many of you have said how strong and brave you think I am and how you couldn’t imagine going through what we are going through.


The truth is, I am no different from you. This situation came out of nowhere, without warning and without preparation for something hard. Six months ago, I also would have thought there was no way I could handle my husband getting blood cancer, Leukemia, and I’d have had no idea how we’d get through it…and yet here we are.



I don’t have magical powers, but I do have Faith in something greater than myself, and everyday I lean on this faith. I pray and plead with God that He will protect my husband and I from things that the medical world and this human condition simply cannot. Has God come through? In many ways, yes, He has, and in some ways only time will tell.


Before this happened, I was ready to dive two feet into my Motherhood Coaching biz, my son was older, my hubby had a stable income, life was great. Then one day, my hubby’s Hand Foot & Mouth Disease all of a sudden was actually Acute Myeloid Leukemia and he had 2-3 months to live without treatment. Even now, his prognosis for survival is shaky and unknown.


What have I done to get through this, other than lean into my faith?  I take it one day at a time. I’m kind to myself and my family, I’ve stopped caring what other people think about me, and I’ve let go of perfection and let others in. I have also hit the “easy button” a lot…where I just take the easiest route whether that’s meal delivery, hiring a service or anything else I used to judge as taking the easy route.


My priorities has become abundantly clear and I have jumped into this thing with both feet. I am here for the good, the bad and the ugly with my hubby, whether his pride likes it or not.


One day at a time, one disappointing test result at a time, and hitting the “easy button” whenever I need to and without guilt.


So my friend, I assure you, I am no different from you, perhaps you have not met your challenge to find out just how strong and brave you are, and I hope you never have to. But if you do, please know that you have what it takes to get through it.


xox,

Gillian


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